Women and Money - Practicing Financial Self Care
Women talk about self care in the form of rest, relaxation, and the occasional pampering, but what about self care in terms of finances?
Financial self care means setting yourself up with a solid foundation in which to grow your financial future. It also means practicing healthy dialogue surrounding money, open communication with your partner, and planning for the future.
Start with a Healthy Internal Dialogue
Internal dialogue is just as important as external. And Sis, she is always talking - whether you realize it or not. So what is internal dialogue? It’s the thoughts we have on a daily basis surrounding the way we observe the world around us and the way we’re performing in it.
These never ending thoughts have the power to shape our entire lives. Will we spend money on a fancy morning coffee or will our internal dialogue make us feel guilty because it’s the fourth one this week? Will we tell ourselves we can’t do it, that we’ll never be financially independent just because we’re behind on paying off debt?
The thoughts that we tell ourselves matter. And if we don’t start changing it, we will find ourselves in a constant battle against ourselves.
Let’s take a look at a few ways we can set ourselves up for a healthy internal dialogue.
Set realistic goals - This is so important. When we set goals that are hard to attain, we often don’t follow through, ending up with feelings of disappointment and negative self talk. Instead of saying “I’m going to save $50 every paycheck” maybe start with $5. That way if you find yourself in a situation where money is a little tight, your goal is still attainable, leaving you feeling reassured in your abilities.
Be your own internal cheerleader - No more ‘I can’t,’ because trust me, you can! Start being your own personal financial hype girl with phrases like, “One more payment down, look at you being so consistent!” or “I came in under budget this month, I think i’ll treat myself to my favorite takeout”.
Call yourself out for negative self talk - The more you engage in negative internal dialogue, the more you start to believe it. If you walk around telling yourself you can’t afford something, chances are you never will. Instead take a step back and ask yourself how you can get to a place where you can afford it.
External Dialogue
It’s not often that I’m out to dinner with girlfriends and the topic of money pops up. We talk about our love lives, our children, our pets, or share funny stories. And while conversations centered around careers have slowly started to become more commonplace, money remains a topic typically discussed behind closed doors. Yet, according to a study conducted by The Shriver Report, the woman is the breadwinner in four out of 10 families. Another study released by Wells Fargo stated that 2 in 5 Americans' biggest stressor is money. So, why is it something that rarely comes up in our conversations? And how do we as women step into a comfortable confidence when talking about money with those we love?
According to an article published by The New York Times, when talking about money, most people feel vulnerable and/or guilty. So, when navigating financial conversations it’s important that we start with those we trust. It’s equally important that you make your feelings known about the topic before diving into the conversation. This way the person you’re sharing with will know what to be sensitive to when listening and responding.
Money and Your Relationship
Most of us grew up with the idea that men are predominantly the ones who make the money and women are the ones who maintain the household, but as we can see from the statistic above, that dynamic is changing. More than ever, women are beginning to out earn their partner, which sometimes leads to shifts in relationship dynamics. Despite the changing times, women are still the ones who often feel like they have to give up their hard earned career over their husbands.
The best way to handle changes in a relationship is to talk it out, the earlier the better. When you set expectations about your career goals, preferences, and finances early on, the less chance there is for your partner to find themselves in an unexpected situation down the road. It’s also important to create financial goals together. Working towards a common goal helps to keep each other accountable and create a stronger bond.
If you do run into an unexpected situation, it’s important to remain honest and open. Communication again is the key. However, it doesn’t have to be an all or nothing mentality. Don’t be afraid to start small! If easing into tough conversations makes you more comfortable, start with that. Share what you’re comfortable with and build on it.
Planning for the Future
If we’re lucky, life is long. Which is why we have to account for the future when it comes to our finances.
One of the first steps in planning for the future is to envision what you want it to look like. Once you decide whether you’ll be in a cozy cottage on the lake or a high rise in a big city, you can then decide on a plan that’ll take you there. Here are a few steps you can take to get started:
Create a budget - In doing so you’ll be able set realistic goals and timelines which will in turn help you plan for the future.
Start saving - Even if it’s just $5 a paycheck it adds up! If you’re just starting out saving, make sure to ask your bank about their savings account fees so you don’t lose out on any of your hard earned money.
Obtain the proper insurance for yourself and your family.
Decide on a retirement plan and contribute accordingly.
Consider Working with or consulting a Financial Advisor - Like a therapist for your money, a financial advisor will be able to discuss your current financial situation, as well as your future goals, and help you decide on the best path forward.