Marriage and Money
What comes to mind when you hear the terms marriage and money in a sentence together? For some, it’s an immediate sense of defensiveness or possessiveness. I used to think that those two words did not blend and were meant to be as opposite as oil and water.
The sad reality is that for many, money-related challenges plague their marriages. Regardless of how much you love your spouse, the marriage road will get bumpy at times, and often money is a cause for fights and disagreements; especially when you attempt to merge your finances. Hard times, like these with Covid 19 surely are of no help. After all - money is the root of all evil, right?
WRONG!
1 Timothy 6:10 to be: For the LOVE of money is the root of all of the evil and if we keep reading just a bit, it also says “which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” Meaning they will turn away from integrity, principle, and belief to GET MONEY!
However, through my experiences, I have learned that money is necessary. Desiring to earn a decent amount of it is not a sin and you can ENJOY the benefits of the two words marriage and money mixed together along with what blending them represent.
Financial Health in a Marriage
One characteristic of financial health in a marriage is talking about everything that concerns money. Remember, when you got married, you agreed to become one. Therefore, you have to talk about your finances because you must pay bills. Do not ignore any financial issue because you think it is insignificant. Insignificant to you could be major to him. By openly discussing money, your financial choices as a couple become easier and conflicts become rare.
To achieve financial health, both partners must learn to be financially responsible. In the age of social media where some couples flaunt their money online, it is easy to get tempted into doing the same. However, a financially responsible couple understands that no value is derived from such stunts. Instead, they use their money to improve their lives. Think about investments that could help you. Also, remember that you need to be financially responsible if you have kids or plan to have them at some point . Think about the life you want for your children and what you can do now to make that dream come true. Being financially responsible encourages a saving culture. Such savings can get you out of the woods when the worst comes.
So, how can you achieve such financial health in your marriage to survive during hard-hitting economic times? Just avoid the common financial issues that fail most couples. These are a lack of consensus on financial issues, power plays, debts, and the lack of an understanding of each other’s money personality type.
Consensus on Financial Issues
When it comes to money management there may be one spouse that has more financial responsibility over the other depending on income, traditional roles or just plain agreement between the couple. Couples may often split bills. Once they clear the bills, everyone becomes free to spend their left-over money. Although it works for some people, it reflects a lack of consensus on bigger financial issues. You may be offended by some purchases your partner makes, and he may also feel aggrieved with some of your decisions. Such situations can divide a couple’s spending power, and diminish their ability to plan for long-term financial decisions such as buying a house, land or investments. Other adverse effects of such lack of consensus are a decline in the value of marriage and possibly even infidelity. If you can’t resolve financial challenges with your partner, you can seek help from a financial advisor. A professional may help you keep your marital roles in check and support you in finding a consensus.
Debts
Some people get through life managing many debts. Of course, some debts are necessary, like an education loan that can help one complete school and secure a higher paying job. However, taking a loan to help with gambling may be a bit too extreme. Loans are the reason some people go into marriage with financial baggage. It is pretty common to find a couple where one spouse has acquired several loans while the other owes no debts. Opposites do attract and that applies to money habits, money attitudes and money management. In either case, it is important to address the issue of debts to ensure you’re on the same page. Decide whether you will share the debt burden or let each person pay off their debts on their own. Failing to discuss debts may trigger conflicts and resentment.
Power Play
Having a power play between a couple can lead to many issues. These are evident in marriages where one spouse comes from a middle income or wealthy family whereas the other one is from a humble one. They can also occur where one spouse has a well-paying job while the other is unemployed. Or even where one has a high-paying job compared to the other. In most of these cases, the better-endowed partner financially may feel the need to dictate spending decisions or investments. Although the person may feel justified to do so, financial problems could still arise. Sometimes, even when you’re working as a team, disagreements can still happen here and there. The key is to get both of you back on track. I believe in these situations, finding a solution to achieve a balanced dynamic in such situation is crucial, especially if a marriage is to survive hard-hitting economic times.
Understanding Money Personality Types
Some people are big spenders, others are savers, shoppers, debtors, or investors. In a marriage where one is a big spender and the other a saver, there are bound to be disagreements. If you don’t understand your partner’s money personality type, it may be difficult to handle these issues. Thus, it is important to recognize the undesirable money habits of your spouse. If you are a saver, for example, you could try to moderate the big-spending habits of your partner. However, you should not try to change their money personality because it might be their source of happiness. Doing so may trigger more conflicts instead of solving the current issue.
Whatever money problems you might have had with your spouse during the prevailing harsh economic times, there is comfort in knowing that you can easily address them. The first thing you should do is agree to communicate and reach a consensus about your finances. Then, it will become easier to address other issues like debts and power plays. Alternatively, you can always consult the services of a financial advisor to address your issues. In whatever case, always keep in mind that you are a team, and must operate as one whenever finances are concerned.