Importance of Love languages
by Anna Murphy on December 11th, 2020
Using Love Languages to Enhance Your Holiday Season
It’s December. The family is nestled around the table, the lights are twinkling, and laughter and love fill the room.
With the holiday season upon us, one that is particularly unique due to the pandemic, understanding love languages can be extremely beneficial to ensuring that everyone feels fulfilled this season. These gatherings, whether virtual or in-person, can be challenging every year. Emotions often collide when we mix different personalities and opinions or the memories of past conflicts arise. Instead of adding fuel to the fire with misunderstandings and hurt feelings, take time to consider everyone’s love language to make for a peaceful holiday season.
Love languages
We all give and receive love in different ways. It takes certain things for each of us to feel loved, safe, accepted, and special. These are our love languages, and if we’re lucky, we’ll end up in the company of those whose love language matches our own. If we’re even luckier, the company we keep will take the time to learn and understand our languages. And you should do the same for those you love. When you know what love language another needs to feel appreciated, it’s easy to find ways to make their holiday season feel special, no matter the distance.
There are five love languages, words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Each one is just as unique as the person it serves.
So how do we know what love language speaks to those we care about? One way to find out? Just ask! Most people will be flattered that you’re taking the time to find out how they receive love best. This is also a great learning opportunity to spend some time together taking love language tests if the person doesn’t know what there's is. If you don’t feel comfortable asking or know your loved one won’t be interested in delving into their own love language, you can always reflect on the way they show love to you. It’s typical for us to give love in the same language we hope to receive it in, so paying attention to the ways your family shows affection can help you to understand why they do, say, and give the things they do.
Words of Affirmation
For some, words literally are everything. A person whose love language is words of affirmation associates words with feelings of appreciation, understanding, and validation. They’re likely the same people who notice and care about the details in your life, asking you to tell them stories and responding with verbal support and understanding. Phrases like, “I appreciate you because...,” “Thank you for doing (x),” or an “I love you” every morning often means far more to them than any tangible gift ever could. That’s not to say they wouldn’t also like a sparkly little something under the tree, but pairing it with words of affirmation will be the cherry on top. Those who have words of affirmation as a love language are often romantics. They’ll appreciate hand written cards, inspirational books, and trinkets engraved with loving words from you.
Quality Time
For your loved ones whose love language is quality time, the pandemic has likely been exceedingly hard for them to bear. People who crave quality time strive to fill their days with shared experiences, especially ones that leave moments for you to focus your attention together. Sometimes this language can be misconstrued to mean just running around together, but those who crave quality time revel in the moments where they feel truly connected to someone else. They certainly won’t be looking for gifts or cards to bring them cheer. If you live near enough to them, and feel comfortable visiting them in person, Lord knows they could really use some hangs this season. A surprise trip to an outdoor ice rink, Christmas market, or a day in together with no phones will likely bring them true joy. If an in-person visit isn’t possible, you could always coordinate a group video call filled with virtual board games and lots of catching up!
Acts of Service
People whose primary love language is acts of service have probably told you that ‘actions speak louder than words’ more than once in an argument. They might be the person who juggles a lot of things at once but hates to ask for help. To them, words are hollow and empty if they’re not followed through by decisive action. This holiday season, you can show your appreciation to those who need acts of service by bringing breakfast in bed, preparing and cleaning up after the large messy meals, or shopping for supplies and taking the lead on decorating. Basically, anything that shows them you’ll go out of your way to help them out. If you can’t be there in person, they’ll likely appreciate it if you take some things off their plate by gifting them laundry, food prep, daycare, or cleaning services.
Receiving Gifts
If your loved one's love language is receiving gifts, you’re in luck as the holiday season typically involves showering our loves with gifts! However, don’t get too carried away with the spending, because those with receiving gifts as their love language typically care more about the sentimentality and meaning behind the gifts rather than the monetary amount. These loved ones are probably always showing up to your house with some fresh baked goods they made you, a random gift that reminded them of you, or thoughtful surprises that fit your personality and needs perfectly. Of course they love to receive gifts and maybe even feel a bit spoiled, but above all they want to receive gifts that show you understand and hear them. Take some time to think about those you love who likely have received gifts as their love language, and reflect on what they need most right now in their lives. It could be fun to scatter tiny gifts over the whole month of December or surprise them with one incredibly thoughtful gift when they least expect it.
Physical Touch
Physical touch is exactly as it sounds. It’s a long hug, hand holding, sitting side by side, or even a supportive hand on a shoulder. In our current times, this may even be an elbow bump or foot tap. Physical touch is no doubt difficult in a year of social distancing and quarantining, and those who receive love best this way are surely feeling the stress and loss of a heavy year. These loved ones connect best when they can feel your physical presence with them. Gifts for them are a bit harder than the others, but it's not impossible! If it's your significant other, you can always make a coupon book filled with intimate moments together, offering them 10 minutes of cuddling, a long massage, or a stroll hand in hand through the city. If they’re not your significant other you’ll have to get creative. Be sure to provide hugs and pats on the back if you can physically visit them, or give them things to help them feel more secure in a time apart. Weighted blankets, heating pads, cozy pjs, or manicures will likely be right up their alley.
Whatever differences and negative discourse there’s been in the past between you and yours, it’s time to put it aside for the holidays. Remember to be patient and caring, even in the face of adversity, and shower your family with meaningful moments that fit their love language. Happy holidays and God bless.